My Conspiracy Theory

EnVogue, Concept Color 02A funny thing happened to me this morning. I realized in a very specific way that I can gauge my energy every day when I come to the stairwell at work.

Lately, I have felt exhausted and heavy: the 5 flights to my office have seemed daunting and even painful to climb. For the most part, I have climbed them anyway…but felt no better for the climb. Today was very different. Today, I felt energized and ready for the climb. For the first time, I noticed that the energy of the stairwell itself felt heavy. No surprise, I suppose – I am working in a hospital, and the energy here contains as much of illness and trauma as it does of healing. Even much of the healing of the traditional sort, where the cure may be worse than the disease. The overall energy of this hospital is positive. Certainly there is a great deal of caring both for the patients and on the part of management for the employees. But nonetheless it is a place of illness and so it has a certain heaviness to it.

My point is, I noticed it. It felt BIG.

Yesterday was a BIG day. This week has been a BIG week. Starting this blog seems to be creating a lot of positive synchronicity in my life:

  • I rediscovered a book I bought years ago – but wasn’t ready for. Sacred Contracts by Caroline Myss. Funny how it was right there in plain sight, but this week after I started this blog it just jumped out and grabbed my attention! “Here I am – I can help you answer the questions you are asking. You are ready for me now!”
  • Celia Hayes’ blog Miracles Each Day, through which I was introduced to A Course of Love, the sequel to A Course in Miracles. Having been studying and working the ACIM lessons for a little over a year now, I felt stymied in the area of knowing myself – my true self, my higher self, my divine self. In fact, though I have completed the first 79 lessons in ACIM, this blog is part of a restart because I want to try and redo them at the recommended rate of a lesson a day… However, this area where I feel stuck is exactly where A Course of Love is designed to help. So I am very excited to finish reading ACIM and its lessons…but I am even more excited because even in just understanding the idea behind ACOL, I am feeling a shift in my energy.
  • Cortland Pfeffer’s (going by the name of the YouTube channel affiliated with his site) blog Taking the Mask Off, about removing STIGMA that We (collectively) place upon so many within our society who struggle. In this past year, I have had to do what I felt was right for me and my family, and instead of finding support I faced the stigma of being called an “enabler”. I felt like there was no one I could talk to about my depression, no one who could help me find the strength to cope with what I was going through without destroying my family in the process. Thankfully I seem to have come through the worst of that time…but I can say that in my experience this blog is spot on. Stigma is judgment, and judgment is just one of the many forms of Attack that the Ego uses to prevent us from remembering who we truly are.
  • Cauldrons and Cupcakes blogger Nicole Cody challenged her readers to pick a Power Word for 2015. I knew instantly that my word for 2015 is NOW. It was as if the word were merely waiting for me to ask the question. More on that later…
  • Coincidentally, I picked up reading where I left off several weeks ago in A Course In Miracles, and the content was a discussion of time and the importance of the present, for example these excerpts from Chapter 12 verses 27 and 28:

Although the past is no more, the ego tries to preserve its image by responding as if it were present.  Thus it dictates reactions to those you meet now from a past perspective, obscuring their present reality…You thus deny yourself the message of release that every brother offers you now.

The shadowy figures from the past are precisely what you must escape…

In fact, I’ve had this pattern of query and answer happen so many times while I’ve been reading ACIM that I have sort of lost track: I’m facing a problem that I don’t know how to solve, and when I go back to my reading in the book, that’s exactly what the next chapter is all about.  My peace and equilibrium are restored and I grow just a little bit wiser in the ways of love.

I can’t put my finger on it, but I have a strong sense of a joyful conspiracy going on in my life. I remember my mother doing after-school treasure hunts for me and my sister when we were very young. All the clues were rhyming, and each clue led to a hiding place with a treat and another clue, with something extra special for a grand finale. Of the many magnificent things my mother did, that was perhaps the most brilliant! Now I think my divine Mother is leading me on a treasure hunt and I am so delighted by the gifts I am finding along the way…I’m not sure I even want to get to the end.

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