Gosh what a lot of lessons it feels like since last I’ve had a chance to sit and write! I have been keeping up with the daily lessons themselves, but not so much with my journaling on them as other priorities have interfered. I’d like to say I have truly understood all my lessons, and that I have no “other priorities”, because if I had understood anything at all, I should not have needed to be at the emergency room with my fiancé on Tuesday last week, nor again on Friday, nor would I have been visiting him in the hospital this morning. Rather I should have recognized his own invulnerability and reflected it back to him, accepting the Atonement on both our parts and the World’s – but at present Time is still a learning place for me, and so we’re handling his heart problems the Ego’s way and not the Spirit’s.
Still, I keep looking for the Holy Instant and I do believe I’ve caught a glimmer of it here and there.
January 22, 2015
Our six two-minute practice periods for today should follow a now familiar pattern: Begin with repeating the idea to yourself, and then apply it to randomly chosen subjects about you, naming each one specifically…
In addition to the assigned practice periods, repeat the idea for today at least once an hour, looking slowly about you as you say the words unhurriedly to yourself. At least once or twice, you should experience a sense of restfulness as you do this.
I did indeed feel a great sense of restfulness as I remembered to apply this lesson in my practice sessions and throughout the day. I work in a busy hospital, and called this to mind especially frequently with every person I passed – colleagues, patients and visitors alike – throughout the day.
On one occasion, I met a colleague whom I had recognized and thanked earlier in the week for a particularly moving reading from Martin Luther King’s I Have a Dream speech at a ceremony I attended on Friday the week prior; when he saw me, he gave me such a radiant smile that it warmed me from my toes up. Surely this feeling is the recognition of the divine in another and reflected back to me? Surely this is how we should all see each other all the time.
January 23, 2015
Today we are trying to use a new kind of “projection”…trying to see in the world what is in our minds, and what we want to recognize is there…
Today’s idea should be applied as often as possible throughout the day. Whenever you have a moment or so, repeat it to yourself slowly, looking about you, and trying to realize that the idea applies to everything you do see now, or could see now if it were within the range of your sight…
Real vision is not only unlimited by space and distance, but it does not depend on the body’s eyes at all. The mind is its only source. To aid in helping you to become more accustomed to this idea as well, devote several practice periods to applying today’s idea with your eyes closed, using whatever subjects come to mind, and looking within rather than without. Today’s idea applies equally to both.
This was the day Mark checked into BMC for his cardiac procedure; as a result, I spent a lot of time bouncing between the ER and my office. I took this lesson with me throughout the day, and I did feel peaceful despite all the running around and the chaotic energies of the ER and Observation Unit. I was inspired to schedule a free consultation with Amber Kuileimailani Bonnici around her 2015 Woman Unleashed yearlong workgroup. I frequently spoke to the Beloved Spirit all day, asking that she judge for me all that I was seeing, and teach me to see it truly: each thing as either love or the call for love. Continually taking my ego out of the judgment process and turning it over to Spirit helped me to remain peaceful throughout what could have been a very stressful day. Didn’t stop me from several times wishing I understood the working of miracles and feeling unworthy…darned Ego!
January 24, 2015
Two longer periods of practice with the idea for today are needed, one in the morning and one at night. Three to five minutes for each of these are recommended. During that time, look about you slowly while repeating the idea two or three times. Then close your eyes, and apply the same idea to your inner world. You will escape from both together, for the inner is the cause of the outer…
In addition, repeat the idea for today as often as possible during the day. Remind yourself that you are making a declaration of independence in the name of your own freedom. And in your freedom lies the freedom of the world.
Was this only yesterday?! What a whirlwind of activity it was: the first day of my Aliveness Challenge; the claiming of my power as artist-proprietor of Studio Tara Erin reborn; and setting my intention to participate in the Woman Unleashed program, releasing its manifestation to Spirit and Love. I did not feel a victim yesterday at all, rather:
- I called all my artwork to me: thank you to my wonderful sons for helping to haul portfolios, hammer nails, and hang canvases. And even more, thank you for being inspired to create artwork of your own, dear sons! For why do I do any of this, if not to help you learn to share your own gifts freely with the world?
- I began preparing my work for its journey out into the world: painted edges; touched up nicks and smudges; painted signatures; catalogued titles, dimensions, dates and materials; applied varnish; hung in orderly arrangements.
- I hung all my work-in-progress and blank canvasses on my studio walls.
I am NOT a victim of the world I see. I AM a conscious co-creator of the world in which I want to live!
January 25, 2015
Again we will begin the practice periods for the morning and evening by repeating the idea for today two or three times while looking around at the world you see as outside yourself. Then close your eyes and look around your inner world…
These exercises are also to be continued during the day[and the] idea for today should also be applied immediately to any situation that may distress you…by telling yourself: I have invented this situation as I see it.
I definitely had a situation that distressed me today. Following a visit to Mark in his hospital room, I was backing out of my parking spot when I was unexpected thrown forward in my seat, and the sound of crunching metal sent me into instant, heart-pounding high-alert as my eyes spotted a sedan that I would have sworn was not there a moment before as I inched my way backward into the lane between two rows of parked cars. To make matters worse, I couldn’t find a current proof of insurance card in the vehicle; being an Esurance customer, I felt confident I could call the information up on my phone quickly enough, but it would mean disturbing Mark in his hospital room to ask for the Esurance account login ID and password. When I explained this to the other driver as she approached my car, I heard her voice shift into a higher pitch while she spoke: she was afraid I was just trying to stall to hid a lack of insurance.
Concerned for Mark’s heart, I tried to play it down, play it cool: “I dinged the rear driver’s side door…”
I heard the other driver’s rising indignation in the background, “It’s not just a ding!”
I smoothly added, “…pretty badly.” Meanwhile, I continued looking for printed proof of insurance while Mark accessed our account information online. I came across my vehicle registration instead. It expired on 1/21/15. My panic started to rise as I remembered. I remembered that I had stopped driving the truck last week because I wasn’t sure where the registration stood. I remembered that it’s not renewed because of Turnpike fines incurred going on job interviews last year when Mark and I were both unemployed, and which I’m appealing for more time to pay. I remembered that time is stretching out even farther with Mark missing a week of work due to his current hospital stay. But I forgot it all this morning when I was looking at the slushy, sloppy roads that led to my fiance’s hospital bed.
I flashed back to a similar situation about 10 years ago. My driver’s license was a couple of days expired, and I was on my way to the California DMV to renew it when I hit a car backing up in a McDonalds parking lot. I cracked a license plate frame. I remember my relief when the other driver accepted a personal check for $40 to replace the frame. I remembered the horror and anger I felt when I returned a call from my bank later in the day: they had been trying to reach me to verify that the check was valid. The signature didn’t look like mine, they said.
The problem wasn’t my signature: I checked the duplicate copy, and it was fine. The problem was that couple was African-American, and my bank refused to cash the check because they couldn’t get me on the phone right away. I never found that couple, and I still carry that guilt with me. That they probably believe I tried to pull a fast one on them…when I was just being a stupid panicked single mom trying not to get caught for having a minor car accident while my license was a few days out of date…
Why am I inventing this world for myself? What is the lesson I am not learning?
The lesson you are not learning is how to be in the NOW, to remain grounded in the present.
The voice was right, I realized: I was busy inventing all sorts of horrific problems for myself. I was projecting my past into the future and missing the present entirely.
I took a deep breath and said thanks for it.
I acknowledged and allayed the other driver’s fears: “Of course these things always seem to happen at the worst of times…Here is my insurance information… Do you have an email address where I can send you a .pdf of my policy?…I’m so sorry for adding stress to your day.” We part with a mutual smile.
I released my interpretation of the incident: I have invented this situation as I see it, and now Beloved Spirit, I turn it over to you. Place it on the altar of God’s love, the eternal fire, and let it be transformed into light. Perhaps this is my call for love? Perhaps this woman is a person with whom I have a Sacred Contract and whom I needed to meet in this life? I am open to whatever Spirit tells me is the meaning of this thing…
I pulled off the road into a parking lot, and spent 5 minutes in practicing today’s lesson. I didn’t feel any more peaceful afterward, frankly, so I continued by reminding myself of my positive intentions (I am the artist-proprietor of Studio Tara Erin, and I create abundance in my life and in my world…) and by grounding myself in the NOW (focus on the road, on my breath, on the revs of the motor, the rumble of the road, the mechanics of driving, the light on the fields, the shadow of trees on the road); and I repeated my current favorite mantra (Beloved Spirit, please judge for me. Help me to see Love and the Call for Love. Teach me to answer the call for love, both in others and in myself. Help me to find the peace that is my birthright as a Daughter of God.)
And wouldn’t you know it…here I am at the end of this day somehow trusting that everything is going to work out alright. I have set my intention to join the flow of abundance in the world. I do not believe the Ego’s lies of Lack any more. I am a co-creator with God, and my creations come from Love.
I am still dealing with some technical difficulties, it is true: my 2014 property taxes are not yet paid; I don’t have the money right in this moment for my Woman Unleashed workshop; and I don’t even have the money (yet) to launch Studio Tara Erin through WordPress Enterprise. But all of this is immaterial: I am creating Studio Tara Erin, and many wonderful ideas were given me today:
- Studio Tara Erin as a collaborative gallery presenting artists of all the Brookfields!
- Chakra paintings and my first online class as a Chakra Painting Art Party!
- A line of paintings for On The Main, an artsy boutique in El Segundo, California!
- Wonderful exchanges of encouragement and recognition with my sisters at the Red Tent!
- Prepping my paintings at last to be presented properly to the world, to which they belong!